Playing With Dynamite: The Ethics of Questioning Monogamy

In this episode of Over the Mountains, Sylvie and Rufus open up about the intimate side of their relationship as part of a wider exploration of what it means to “walk the talk” of social and cultural transformation. They argue that building a new paradigm is not only about politics, ideas, or collective vision, but also about how we live in our closest relationships.

The conversation focuses on one of the major taboo areas that often destabilises relationships and communities: sex. Drawing on their ten years together, marriage, and family life, they reflect on: monogamy, openness, jealousy, trauma, freedom and love. Sylvie shares how monogamy initially gave her a deep sense of safety and healing, especially in light of family wounds around betrayal and abandonment. At the same time, she began to see how exclusivity could also become a kind of prison if it was rooted in fear rather than genuine choice.

A central theme of the episode is the tension between rational beliefs and embodied emotional reality. Rather than presenting ethical non-monogamy as a fixed ideology or solution, they describe it as a slow, conscious, messy process of inquiry. They emphasize transparency, consent, dialogue, and responsibility — because wider relationships are also affected by intimate choices. For them, the key issue is not simply monogamy versus non-monogamy, but whether the relationship is rooted in ethics, love and trust.

“Am I in this relationship out of fear — or am I in this relationship out of love? Am I here because I’m scared of ending up alone… or because I actually love who we are together?”

Ultimately, the episode connects the personal and the political. Sylvie and Rufus suggest that transforming how we relate romantically may also be part of transforming how we relate to power, to each other, and even to the planet. They do not claim to have answers, but offer their relationship as a living experiment: imperfect, vulnerable, and in progress. Rather than a prescriptive “how-to,” this is a raw, real, and refreshingly honest take on the journey of love’s triumph over fear.

Chapters

• 00:00Introduction to a New Paradigm
• 01:29Exploring Relationship Dynamics
• 05:27Monogamy vs. Polyamory: A Personal Journey
• 15:21The Complexity of Love and Possession
• 19:44Navigating Personal Shadows and Relationship Patterns
• 29:04Navigating Relationships with Mindfulness
• 31:55The Complexity of Love and Parenting
• 35:11Exploring Self-Identity and Body Image
• 38:05The Journey of Dating and Self-Discovery
• 43:03Empowerment and Autonomy in Relationships
• 46:04Transforming Relationships and Societal Norms
• 50:18The Ethical Dimension of Non-Monogamy

Speakers